


Quiet Evenings, Loud Thoughts

by eliesse33



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27917926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliesse33/pseuds/eliesse33
Summary: Breathe in, breathe out. In, out. In and out.Yamaguchi opened his eyes abruptly and stepped onto the scale. He held his breath, as he watched the numbers jump back and forth on the small digital screen.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 118





	Quiet Evenings, Loud Thoughts

Breathe in, breathe out. In, out. In and out. 

Yamaguchi opened his eyes abruptly and stepped onto the scale. He held his breath, as he watched the numbers jump back and forth on the small digital screen. 

His stomach dropped to the floor, as the number finally settled. The numbers reflected seem to mock him, as a ringing noise drowned out his surroundings. Everything narrowed down to those numbers. 

What could he have done wrong? He had only consumed 600 calories in the past 48 hours with a 24 hour fast before weighing in, living off of black coffee and low calorie snacks for practices. “If I hadn’t had to go to that team dinner on Monday,” he thought as his eyes welled with tears. 

Breathing suddenly became more difficult, as he stared at the numbers two whole pounds higher than it had been at the beginning of the week. Time wasted and progress lost. He couldn’t even be good at this. 

Why could he do absolutely nothing right? He was never good enough no matter how much effort he puts in. At his best, he is only a replacement or a stand-in regardless of his attitude and how hard he works. 

His weight was one outlet he thought he could succeed. Make him feel like he was a better choice for a friend, a teammate, and a person. 

With his vision beginning to blur along the edges, he sank down onto the floor with his head between his knees trying to breathe. Tears continued to come to his eyes until they were streaming down his face, and he began to be wracked with ugly sobs. 

His thoughts began to wander to the incident over half a year ago that allowed him to see his faults and a way to become worthwhile. 

Walking to the gym after a particularly hard day of classes, he was surrounded by a group of four girls that he didn’t recognize that he later learned are in the class above him. 

The first spoke in a leering voice cutting through his confused thoughts, “How do you manage to steal Tsuki’s time? I don’t really understand,” she crooned, as she looked at the other three nodding girls in confirmation, “you don’t seem to have anything special about you to keep him around.” 

The girl behind him piped in, “The plainest and least talented on the volleyball team, and you still manage to steal a star player. You must have something good under those clothes to distract him.” 

Almost as if this was a signal, the other two girls on his sides moved forward in a sudden movement and lifted his shirt looking for a confirmation to this theory. 

Snickers broke out among the group immediately, Tadashi could feel the heat rising to his cheeks in shame, as his stretch marks were visible and exposed to the giggling girls. 

“You aren’t even worth that”, the girls sneered, “you can’t even be something to look at to make up for your lack of talent.” 

He scrambled away from their reaching hands so quickly that he landed on the dirt with a harsh thud. 

The girls continued to snicker as another laughingly said, “Maybe if you lost some weight, you would actually be worth something.” 

Looking down at him, they continued their comments, as he was frozen in shame in the dirt until he heard another step of footsteps approaching. 

“Why the hell are you on the ground, Yamaguchi?”, Tsuki called as he turned down the path to approach them. 

Relief spread across his body until quickly replaced with shame, as he remembered what all the girls had said about how much of a burden he is to not only his team but also his best friend. 

The girls were quick to pipe with sweet tones on how he had fallen, and they were making sure that he was okay enough to stand to go to practice. Tsuki eyed them suspiciously but didn’t comment on it. Instead, he simply shouldered into the group and reached out a hand for Yamaguchi that hadn’t risen from the ground yet. 

Remembering how heavy he was and not wanting to be a burden, Yamaguchi ignored the offered hand and jumped up with a plastic smile saying how nice the girls were to have checked on him. He then urged Tsuki to hurry with him to practice before they were late, though the cold feeling in his bones remained. 

The words of the girls played in a constant loop in his mind during practice that day and followed him home even after. Maybe they were right, he needed to earn his place and become someone worth recognizing. He needed to be better and not embarrass Tsuki and his team. 

Tears still slipping down his face on the bathroom floor, he couldn’t help replaying that day and those comments over again and again in his mind. His inner monologue whispering into his ear agreeing with the girls and honing in on his faults. Tadashi covered his ears, as though this would keep the hateful comments at bay.

The door suddenly opened to reveal an irritated Tsuki. “I’ve been here forever. Are we going to start studying or no-”, his voice broke off as his gaze fell on the curled up Yamaguchi on the floor. 

“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”, he barked out with worry lacing his voice. 

Yamaguchi tried to compose himself, as he had completely forgotten that Tsukki was coming over today at all. A watery smile appeared on his face, as he looked up saying in a wavering voice, “I’m fine! Sorry, Tsuk-ki.” A sob broke out upon saying his best friend's name, and the smile slipped from his face. 

He curled back in on himself, as he was hit again by the destructive voices. All he could think about was his failure on the scale and how even now he is causing more of a burden for Tsukki who is going to realize how much of a burden he is and leave him. He would do anything for Tsukki not to leave him. 

Tsukki’s breath hitched, as Yamaguchi slipped back into his shaking panic, visibly being drowned by his thoughts. 

Quickly dropping to his knees, he didn’t pause to think, as he wrapped his arms around his best friend. His heart was aching at the pain wracking his friend. 

“What happened?”, he whispered comfortingly, as he traced large circles on Yamaguchi’s back in their embrace. 

“I’m not worth it”, he stutters out, “and I swear I’m trying. Ple- please don’t leave me Tsuki.” 

“I will do better. I promise I will get the weight off, so I won’t embarrass you by being near you. I am so sorry that you have to put up with me. I promise I will be better, please.” he rushed out in a quick panic to try to convince Tsukki to stay. 

Upon hearing this, Tsukki’s eyes widened and tears began to come to his eyes. He was so confused looking at his broken friend, as to what he was trying to fix. He had been trying to get him to eat more recently and had pulled his mom aside to see if he was sick due to the obvious weight loss and unnatural paleness of his friend. 

With tears beginning to stream down his face, Tsukki held him tighter, as if his embrace could hold his friend together while he struggled to find his words.  
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Tsukki managed to force out, “ and you do not need to change or earn anything for me or for the team.” 

With his eyes clenched shut, Tsuki continued, “You’ve always been such support to me that I never stopped to think that you might have problems too. You do not need to change for me or anyone, because you have always been the best of us. No matter what has happened, you have been the best of us.” 

“I promise that I will be a better friend to you, and I will remind you as often as you need me to that you are valuable and that I really do need you.” 

Yamaguchi’s sobs only increased with this statement, and Tsukki only pulled him closer with tears still streaming down his face and an ache in his chest for his broken friend. 

With his resolve hardening, Tsukki promised himself that he would do whatever he could to help his friend move forward, and that they would move forward together past this no matter how long it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments with any constructive criticism or advice! I am new at this, and I would appreciate any help that I could get. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
